im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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