i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
