are you still at the devil's house?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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