I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
