so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
