I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
