That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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