oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
