I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
