they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
