Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
