the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
