Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
