TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
