I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
