Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
