Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
