I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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