so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
