Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
