you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
