i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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