My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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