I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
