I can tuck mytits in my pants
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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