Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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