No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
