haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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