I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
