my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
