I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
