I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
