you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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