he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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