I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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