Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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