what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
