He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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