I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
