3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
