I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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