i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
