There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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