I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
