I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
