My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
