Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
