Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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