Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
