she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
