I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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