I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
