so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
