I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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