fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
