CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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