Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
