dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
