New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
