happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
